Just another day.....

Meanings i no longer fully know
Feelings can no longer be grasped
Understanding is but a mere word
But words...
They torture and twist and turn
Draining and wringing
The very last drop of zeal in me

Rest if one must
But rest had not been the deal

Maybe it's the choices i make
Maybe others just don't wish to understand
Maybe i just need play the role
Others want me to play
Maybe i'm just asking too much
Or...

Stop asking questions
With questions comes answers
And i WILL answer
I am nice and i wish to help
BUT the price for that is to listen
Entertain me if you must
But you are to listen!!!!!

More might start to dislike me
Or detest one might use
But i know the word is really 'hate'
Then again...
I had no one really liking me for me to begin with.

I cannot make smart comments
I cannot tell jokes that are sincerely funny
I am not good with words
I am too frank
I am everything that no one likes

I have no one...
No one at all.........

Happiness just seem so vague
So unreal
If with each happiness comes a greater unhappiness
I would rather have none
But maybe i am to suffer from greater
And greater unhappiness all my life

No one knows when i hang my head
Staring into space and wishing to cry
To cry hard enough to make it all go away
But i cannot cry...
Crying will only make me fall into the abyss

I am tired but i cannot rest
I am sad but i cannot cry
I am torn apart but i'm still here
The house is quiet but i find it noisy
The phone is still but i find it irritating

No one knows who i really am
Do you?
Do you understand what i've said?
I guess not.
Sorry for taking up your time.........